Dancing with outputs to remove outcome’s pressure
How much of the hesitation you have about following your ideals and ideas is fueled by over-anticipating your ability to influence things?
I’ve been a little bored online lately. As someone who has joked about having the internet jacked into her belly button since the 90s, I haven’t been sure of what to make of that sensation.
I resisted the urge to fight it and leaned in. For a few weeks now, I’ve been poking it with a digital stick, and tried not to take the absence of interest too seriously.
Behind the scenes, I’ve been reading and writing voraciously. Pivoting to journals with pen and book in hand for an hour each morning, things have flowed. I’ve felt stronger creatively than I have in a while.
Online, I look silent, covered in tumbleweeds. The idea that eyebrows are raised gives me perverse joy.
Until I remind myself nobody is noticing. That smacks like an own goal to the face with its own salt-eyed sting.
Caught up in my own production-based addictions, I’m trying to justify the lack of outward proof. These journals are my silent rebellion at the AI harvesting (bullshit). I’m closer to the work without feeling quite so obligated (wankerisms and overthinking).
I’m knee-deep daily in wonderful ideas and yet nobody suspects a thing (cue the lights, music, and the boring mental self-adulation).
What the hell am I doing?
Image: a bird spreads their wings on a rock over a 37 km lake. watching a waterbird dry their wings on Lake Illawarra has me more captivated these days than anything.
Travelling to the edge of the internet
After travelling to the Arctic last year, a friend said the experience was so altering that she’s not sure she’s ever going to come back down. Life, career, Instagram promos, performative creativity, the internet, none of it can be taken seriously.
When she relayed this, I smiled that gentle smile. The one that says, “you’ll come back inside the tent, eventually”.
Two months without producing like an online battery hen, and I finally get what she means. Its like the first time you listen without waiting to speak and realise the conversational well is richer when drinking.
Another friend said that if I hadn’t offered an alternative to freelancing that wasn’t driven by money, fame, prestige, and crowing about it, she’d have packed it in already.
She was probably saying thank you, but all I felt was guilt.
Has my naivete trapped good people here?
Truthfully, I’m trying to live my best life as a creative while cracking open what feels like centuries of trauma, of holding on, of suspiciously believing in an economic system that is largely indifferent and hostile to my disabled existence. I put it in intellectual sunlight, desperate to disinfect, disassemble, and maintain optimism. I reflect out deep though infused with innate protection. I’m increasingly aware of the shallow slice I represent of the entire freelance experience.
It is hard, oh so hard, to have this freelance life. It’s harder still not to fall for the marketing we use to sell it.
Walking back through journals over cramped and inspired handwriting, cynical musings, and questions, I realise Past Me thought Present Me would know what to do with this journal-ladened baton. The faith is inspiring yet likely misplaced.
Outputs? Six journals of 120 pages apiece.
Outcomes? No sodding idea.
Out of it? Most assuredly.
I will say this…
Even if I revisit my own story on occasion to make sure I am not drinking my own bath water and calling it Perrier, I can claim I try. Or at the very least, I am consistently trying not to be quite so bloody naïve. I still wish (not the first time) I wasn’t cursed to share my stories.
But at least creative outputs and outlets give me a comfort that imagining outcomes never brings.
If you’re questioning whether you should share your thoughts:
1. What’s your motivation for guiding others?
2. Are you inspiring self-discovery or just selling your ideas?
3. How do you want to make the audience feel?
4. Do you check your freelance privilege? Are you aware of the limitations?
5. Are you learning about yourself as you learn from the audience’s perspective?
If you’re questioning your outputs (or outcomes):
1. Is your desire to control or over-anticipate outcomes getting in the way of you sharing creative work, ideas, or marketing content?
2. If you put outputs ahead of outcomes, how would that change what you produce?
3. What if… you decided that perfection wasn’t something to aspire to, and might be getting in the way? What would that mean for your creativity, marketing, or approach to communicating?
4. How do you measure the impact of what you are creating, sharing, and doing?
Check out content
(Podcast) How Zines Can Boost Creativity and Build Reader Connections: The Self-Publishing with ALLi Podcast Featuring Anna Featherstone.
(Guide-blog) Are you facing freelance burnout? Explore your relationship with productivity, creativity, and more with this guide blog of questions, reflective exercises, and more as a Patreon exclusive.
(Blogs) What’s better – freelance contract or part time situations? Are you stuck in a rat race? I’m calling it – here’s the most common excuses for not getting sh*t done. Embrace the power of generativity. Grab some communication reflections. Want to collaborate effectively? Read this.
Catch me at events
May 30th: Office Hours May 30th for 15 minutes to talk about your ideas, client issues, freelance fun, and more. Exclusive to Patreon supporters. Details via Freelance Jungle Patreon.
May 30th: Hang out and make some virtual craft with Hayley and I on May 30th at 1pm Sydney time.
June 13th: Uncover Bluesky with Dr Annetta Mallon as we explore it for connection and care online on June 13th.
June 26th: Hear about my take on at the Huskisson Cinema in Huskisson, Thursday 26 June 2025 – bookings available soon via the South Coast Arts website.
July 21st: LinkedIn expert Karen Hollenbach joins us to look at how to set up a portfolio career effectively via LinkedIn on July 21st (while using my profile as an example *gulp*)
Aug 14th: The Creative Business Summit – one great day in Kiama hearing from a bunch of local creative legends on August 14th. I’m talking about self-care for the self-employed. Come join me!
Celebrate other freelancers
Cheer on the inaugural Victorian Public Libraries Ambassador, Andrea Rowe. Join Annie for the successfully crowdfunded Theatre of the Last Breath in Brisbane. Join Carly on the ABC for A Bite to Eat With Alice. Find out what it is like making film in Australia today with Andrew’s new book, Lonely Spirits and the King. The Pride Foundation has a hot new website thanks to Pen. Meet the creator or the author with Cassy’s Substack interviews. Watch a joyous video and celebrate a new healing journal with Anna. Join Stephanie and Lu for online workshops for curious writers. Listen to Aimee’s new single. Come look at all the amazing media things Lisa has been up to. Sophia has written an article every health professional needs to read. Emma shared her grief on Mother’s day. Robert has created Linux AI help. Fay talks EFT tapping for kids. Nance is writing about the First Nations Writers Festival.
Looking for freelance content, or want to feature yours? Join us every Thursday to show us what you’ve got.
Need help? Book me for coaching, strategy, and let’s get you humming.
Love and other reasons I put out (output?) these things,
Rebekah