What is freedom without safety?
We talk a lot about the freedom of being yourself. How do we create the safety required for that to happen?
I love that so many people are owning their creativity. I love that so many women, especially in their forties, have a voracious appetite for new things, including failure.
It means we’re creating, owning and delivering work that we care about.
But I do wonder in this journey of freedom and ownership of the authentic self, where is our contribution to other people’s journey? Knowing the vulnerability required to be yourself entirely, isn’t part of that embracing an attitude towards other people’s safety?
How safety transforms you
I didn’t grow up feeling a sense of safety. Creativity was my escape from who I was, where I was, and what was happening. It was a place where I had the control I didn’t have as a powerless kid. It was my place to be authentic, free, and playful because there was always something untouchable about creativity. And a certain plausible deniability tied to the fruits of my imagination.
And I ambled along with this dualistic creative life for a very long time. Using it to retreat into when I needed comfort but holding it at arm’s length when it felt like another kind of risk, too much reality.
Ducking in and out of life and misery. Never quite confident – or myself enough – to embrace it fully.
It wasn’t until I met people that let me be myself that I could fully embrace creativity. Pure acceptance filled with unconditional love without shame or unwanted notes, unsolicited coaching, and “could do better” critiques that fed the fears. People who called back with their own voice when I spoke, first shaking, then with growing confidence, “I get it! Me too!”
Safety allows people to find their vulnerability, to set it free. And once that vulnerability is accepted in its shiny, fragile and wide-eyed integrity, rebuilding and growth can begin.
Even if the process is slow. Or it tilts as much forward as back.
Unconditional. Uninterrupted.
Not mired by personal projections, agendas, or frustrations.
It is sloth-like and crawls, dripping the last vestiges of molasses in an emotional tin.
It is hard to unpack months, years, and even decades of unsafety to be that vulnerable again.
But once it’s established, I believe that’s where true ownership of the creative self can begin.
Image: stress doodling food icons in a dot grid journal
Giving others back their authenticity
Humans are a contradiction.
We all crave someone accepting who we are in entirety. But we’re so quick to neglect, or even stick the boot in, when others ask the same.
Embracing of self and not caring what others think is wondrous.
But it’s not a solo journey. It’s not as simple as “I no longer care what you think.”
It’s “I am safe enough to take up space.”
Building an authentic self is legacy-building. It is looking outward and wondering, “How do I interact with society?”
The grounding we need as we raise a middle finger and float up to the surface is not about being so bold and brassy, everyone else fears you.
For how can we say we are authentic and brave, casting off the shackles and embracing who we are in entirety when we put another person back in the box in our place?
Questions to check in with other people’s safety without sacrificing our authenticity
1. Am I trustworthy?
a) Do I respect the secrets and confidences of others?
b) Regardless of whether someone is in or out of the room, am I consistent in how I treat them?
c) Am I a reliable source of support?
2. Am I free from judgement?
a) Do I listen with an open mind and leave criticism to one side?
b) Do I respect other people’s journey and let them figure things out in their own time?
c) Do I give people permission to react and respond in their own way, without editing, filtering, or controlling information?
3. Am I compassionate towards another person’s business and creativity?
a) Do I support without quid pro quo?
b) Do I validate another person’s experience of learning, business and creativity, even when it’s different to mine?
c) Can I recognise the limitations within comparison and assumption?
4. Do I embody safety?
a) Am I consistent and predictable in how I behave towards others?
b) Do I stand up for other creatives even if I don’t have a vested interest or direct benefit in advocating for their experience?
c) When I am owning myself, is it from a safety-oriented and vulnerability-friendly place?
Uncover some safe people and places
A change from the usual sharing of the Freelance Jungle, I want to introduce you to some people who allow me to be safe.
Jessica Harkins is the best damn illustrator and designer you can have for a creative BFF.
Holly Shoebridge is a compassionate accountant who I call friend.
Carly Findlay is a tireless, fierce, fabulous, and friendly disability advocate.
Martina Donkers is a bubble of the best of people and a whizz at grants, funding and evaluation to boot.
Rah Gardiner is a flame of colour and the marketing maverick you need swearing by your side.
Marian Edmunds is as warm and thoughtful over a chat as she is in article form.
Amy McKernan is the quiet, unassuming champion of creative ideas – and the person who tucks me in at night with her Trainwreck Tea.
There are no words to describe the kitten-covered delightfully shambolic magic moments that are Grace Bridges.
And don’t forget the Freelance Jungle – everyone is usually pretty damn awesome. A rarity in the online world!
More of my vulnerability
Rounded once again allow me to crawl into my financial mistakes so you don’t have to make your own [sponsored].
Let me talk you through freelance strengths. And help you lower your freelance stress levels with these exercises. Face the creative fizzle with Hayley and I in this special event action replay. Test whether it’s really time to leave freelancing with these exercises. And this week in freelancing takes on judgement, twenty minute business, getting shit done.
Come see me be vulnerable
Thanks to the most ever-delightful Shane Moon, I am speaking at Generation Women’s first Wollongong event on my best worst mistake on April 3rd at the Builders Club. Come along!
Patreon supporter events
You can join me for an hour of creative virtual coworking at 9:30am AEST time on April 12th.
There’s also a double hitter of business coworking from 12:30pm to 2:30pm AEST April 12th.
Join Hayley and I for the accountability informal chat 11am on April 9th.
As part of Stress Awareness Month, let’s take a deep dive into self-care for the sit in on April 30th.
And for general members (i.e. free), you can:
Spend morning team with your Freelance Jungle friends by the watercooler at 11am AEST on April 12th. (all welcome)
Improve your business by using your time tracker efficiently (while meeting the ATO logbook requirement) on April 18th.
Like what you’ve read? Support the Freelance Jungle Patreon for even more content.
Love and other emotional vulnerabilities,
Rebekah