Drowning in other people’s money angst

Why does someone else’s opinion of what you earn and how you do it hurt so damn much?

“You’d be swimming in cash, if only you’d just listen to me!”

I could hear the heat and frustration of the person’s words as it flirted with a scream. Even though this was years ago, now it’s all I think of when I see that person online. And I’ve struggled for a long time with why that moment was such a defining moment.

When I decided they weren’t good for me.

Why being treated like an exasperating renovation project made me very wary.  

What it says about money and me.

It’s taken me years to work out why I shut a mental door so emphatically.

How we feel about money, what we earn, what money says about us, what wealth is, is decided well before we even realise it. And it takes time to unpack the baggage.  

What a person earns, how a person runs their business, their relationship with money, their alleged untapped potential – these are deeply personal elements we’re dealing with.   

If you haven’t been invited in, you can do a hell of a lot of unexpected damage. 

And no amount of coaching a person, especially when it’s uninvited, will can change things.

Money stuff is a sticky lump of coal

Most people I have met, especially women in business, have a really uneven relationship with money.

I've heard every excuse for underpaying yourself: 

·        “I just want to help people”

·        “They can’t do it if I don’t lower my rates”

·        “My satisfaction comes from the brands I work with, not the money I make”

·        “The money I earn is the extra stuff. My partner’s the real earner”

·        “Clients won’t pay that! Not consistently, anyway!”

Rejecting money sounds like virtue. The Protestant Work Ethic that underpins society says exactly that.

It feels a lot like the hegemony, too:

·        Women

·        Artists and creatives

·        People from underrepresented communities

These are the groups regularly underpaid by clients and workplaces. They are also undervalued in society, which is reflected in unpaid labour and skill devaluation.

But does pride in making money improve your situation?

Doesn’t flipping the “caring is its own reward” messaging imply only non-caring people succeed?

How can that possibly be true when most us care quite deeply about the clients and projects we do? And families and friends we spend our money on?

You can’t refuse the system. Capitalism is too pervasive for that.

We’re hardly divided in compassionate, community-centred poor versus sociopathic rich people. Yet we boil things down relentlessly to take the heat off our own money baggage.

Surely, there has to be a better way to talk about this thing called money?  

But money is just a damn tool

In my more objective moments, I can view money is a tool.

I know that when I am getting high off securing a deal or feeling shame about someone else poking into my financial soft spots, it’s coming from inside me.

In such a strong, objective moment, I committed to examining my finances with Rounded:

1.      I love selling integrated promotions. I miss those agency days where I could pitch ideas and get them into action. So, I did it. And they accepted

2.      Being paid to talk about yourself rather than talk on behalf of a client is refreshing

3.      I knew (in my heart) I needed the financial accountability

What I forgot was I have a massive amount of baggage around money mindset. You could guess that from someone being able to wound me so deeply I’d basically write off a friendship rather than fix it.

I come from a family where money was used to silence us in the face of times when some honesty and less dysfunction would have been a much better remedy.

Unpacking slowly, surely, I ding so many mental scrapes and bruises. But it is as painful as it is, I am starting to feel less smashed about. Maybe even healthy(?).

Questioning is how I get through:

1.      What does money mean to me?

2.      What does financially stable look like?

3.      How do I feel when I think about money?

4.      What are my reactions to posts about what people earn and spend?

5.      Where does that come from? What does my family’s relationship with money look like?

6.      Why does it elicit such a strong reaction?

7.      How do I handle financial stress?

8.      Am I getting by or getting ahead?

9.      Do I believe I am allowed to earn money? If not, why not?

10.   What does enough money look like to me?

Image: a doll and her laptop drown in a fishbowl of liquid. FYI, it’s coffee. :)

Help me walk through my finances

Find out about the work I am doing with Rounded. Yes, it’s sponsored. But it also tells the truth.

Check out the next instalment, where I look at the benefits of the time tracker on self-advocacy about my pay rates in response to the ATO asking for a work from home logbook.

Catch the action replay a free finances talk with accountant Holly Shoebridge and her inflation tips, explanation of taxation changes for sole traders, predictions for the 2024 budget, super comments, and more.

Read the bit where I bare all in the name of freelance finances. And catch the video version by the ever clever Jessica Harkins.  

Catch up with Patreon supported content

What to do if that client was bloody awful. Check in on your client processes. Grab a worksheet on freelance contentment. Break bad freelance habits with a workbook.  And catch up with this week in freelancing’s maiden edition, observing creative habits, and creating with compassion.

Enter the Random Acts of Kindness giveaway

I’m giving away two FREE 2024 STRATEGY REVIEWS to Patreon supporters. And yes, you can join the Freelance Jungle Patreon to enter the draw. https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/RAK2024 

Refresh your Patreon tier before March 1^st

Please remember to CHECK YOUR TIER as I have done the refresh and changed the currency to AUD. I expect there might be some snafus (there always is with modern tech!), so please check what tier you are on, check the amount and get back to me ASAP in case we need to troubleshoot. (I am currently eating my fingernails over this). 

Virtual coworking

You can join me for an hour of creative virtual coworking at 9:30am ADST time on March 8^th (IWD).

There’s also a double hitter of two hours of business coworking from 12:30pm ADST on March 8^{th (IWD)}

Come get your pricing in order (event)

I'm putting on my former product manager hat to take you through how to price yourself (or raise your prices) in a really compassionate and non-guesswork way as the March sit-in. You’ll be live by the end of day with a fresh new pricing strategy. Wed 27th March. 

Details here: https://www.patreon.com/freelancejungle

Explore the creativity of your fellow freelancers

Fun events

Grab an in person or virtual ticket at the Content Summit in September.  Find Join Mike for a little gaming-based nerd therapy. Join Cassy at the harvest festival in Dromana in March. Turn the coworking joint to party central with Maggie’s mixtape. Celebrate Hilary as a Future of Work pioneer.

Do a spot of reading

Revive your love of getting letters while supporting animals. Anna has grouped together a bunch of super helpful organisations in publishing.  Enjoy awesome interviews with Nic.  Grab all kinds of plays by Bliss. Buy a copy of Himalayan Dreams from Nancy. Read Aroha’s debut in NZ National Geographic. Vera is exploring intercultural communication on LinkedIn.  

Listening and viewing

Celebrate Alex’s foray into fulltime freelancing and their swish new website. Benny kicks off a new video travel blog in Berlin. Check out David’s amazing high rolling sculpture for Mercedes Benz. Check out Donna’s new podcast, governing with grace. Check out the ND Affirmation Deck and Audio Reassurances from Annelil. If you’re in Wollongong, say hi to Violetta’s skydiving drumsticks.

If you like what you read here and/or you benefit from the Freelance Jungle, please join the Patreon. Here are all the goodies you can receive (along with the warm glow of knowing you help create a community).

Love and other things that influence our early money motivations,

Rebekah